you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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