I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
