life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
