I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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