The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am full of burrito and curiosity
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize