i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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