Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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