i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
