So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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