ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
