you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
