I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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