Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize