is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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