Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
