batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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