So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
