i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
