My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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