remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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