He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
