walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
