i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize