I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
