At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
