It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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