Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found your dick twin last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Text me some of your sweat
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