he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
