:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
