normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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