Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
