yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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