So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
