I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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