Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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