Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
