Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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