i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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