omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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