I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
