If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
