i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
