Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
