And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
