i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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