So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
