Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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