I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you win again, gameday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
