Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
