i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
