my phone needs a breathalizer
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Green mimosas i think yes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize