We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
