smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
