If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize