i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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