so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This house was built for laser tag.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
