problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize