the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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