People in love make me want to vomit
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
