It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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