It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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