all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
