I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
