the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
