The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
