a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sorry about my life...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
