Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
