uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
