She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize