I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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