Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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