My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
