Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
