you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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