I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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