Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
