i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
