i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
