the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Couch. On fire.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
