I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
