I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
