I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
