i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
