my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
