I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
