the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize