i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
